Overcoming Potential Thinking “Errors” and Finding Moments of Peace
The holiday season is typically a time for gathering, celebrating, and feeling connected with others. But for someone with a cancer diagnosis or undergoing treatment, the season can feel anything but festive. With the challenges of managing health, side effects, and emotions, it’s easy to fall into negative thought patterns. These thinking “errors” can make the experience feel more overwhelming and isolating, potentially taking away your potential for moments of joy.
However, understanding and addressing these cognitive distortions can help you break free from the emotional burden they carry. In this post, we’ll explore some common thinking “errors” that people with cancer may encounter during the holidays and offer strategies for reframing them so you can embrace the season with a more balanced perspective.
1. Catastrophizing: Expecting the Worst
Thought error: “This treatment will never end. The holidays will be miserable because of my cancer. Everything will go wrong.”
When you’re battling cancer, it’s natural to fear the worst. However, imagining the holiday season as one long string of pain and disappointment is a form of catastrophizing. The reality is that, although cancer treatment can be tough, it doesn’t mean the holidays will be devoid of positive experiences. You might miss out on some activities, but it’s unlikely that everything will go wrong.
Reframe: Rather than imagining the worst possible scenario, focus on what is within your control. You can still find moments of joy, even if they look different than in years past. Break your expectations down into smaller, more manageable pieces—maybe focusing on one event, one meal, or even a single conversation. This makes it easier to enjoy the present moment without the weight of overwhelming expectations.
2. Mindreading: Assuming Others’ Thoughts
Thought error: “People will think I’m ruining the holidays by being sick. I’m a burden to my family.”
It’s easy to assume that your loved ones are disappointed by your health status or treatment needs. This is a form of mindreading—interpreting the thoughts of others without actually knowing what they are thinking. Chances are, your friends and family just want you to feel comfortable and supported. They may not be as concerned with the “perfect” holiday as they are with spending time with you.
Reframe: Open up a dialogue with your loved ones. Instead of assuming they have negative thoughts, ask them how they feel or what they’re hoping for this holiday season. You might find that they are more than willing to adapt their plans to help you feel included and at ease.
3. Disqualifying the Positive: Focusing on What’s Missing
Thought error: “I’m going through cancer treatment, so there’s no way I can enjoy the holidays. All I can think about is what I’m missing out on.”
Cancer treatment can be exhausting, and it’s understandable that you might focus on what you can’t do—whether that’s attending a holiday party, cooking a big meal, or simply feeling well. But when you focus only on what’s missing, you may overlook the positives in your situation, no matter how small they seem.
Reframe: Make a conscious effort to focus on the present moment and appreciate small joys. Maybe it’s a quiet afternoon with a favorite holiday movie or a peaceful walk through the winter air. Find moments where you can connect to something positive, no matter how simple or small. Engaging with the here and now can reduce the emotional weight of what’s out of your control.
4. Black and White Thinking: Seeing Everything as All or Nothing
Thought error: “Either I have a perfect holiday, or I don’t have a holiday at all. I can’t enjoy anything because I’m sick.”
Cancer treatment often forces you to adjust your expectations, but that doesn’t mean the season is “ruined.” Black-and-white thinking—where you see things as all good or all bad—can make it difficult to see the nuances in your experience. You might think that because you can’t participate fully in every tradition, the holiday is lost altogether.
Reframe: Embrace the idea that the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Focus on what is possible, even if that means adapting activities to your current health and energy levels. A cozy, quiet evening with loved ones or enjoying a special holiday treat can still bring fulfillment and warmth.
How to Bring Positives Into Your Holiday Experience
- Set Realistic Expectations
The holiday season doesn’t have to be grand to be meaningful. Set realistic expectations about what you can and cannot do, and give yourself permission to rest. If you can’t attend every event, consider smaller, more manageable moments with loved ones that align with your energy levels. - Focus on the Here and Now
Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment. Rather than worrying about the future or replaying past frustrations/successes, try to engage fully with whatever is happening right now. This could mean savoring a quiet evening, enjoying a holiday tradition in a new way, or simply sharing a laugh with family. - Lean Into Connection
The holidays are about connection, not perfection. Allow yourself to lean into the people who care about you. Even if your physical energy is limited, emotional connection can provide a sense of comfort and joy. Let loved ones know how they can support you, whether through a phone call, a video chat, or a special in-person moment. - Create New Traditions
If certain holiday activities are too taxing, create new traditions that are more suited to your current state of health. Maybe it’s watching a holiday movie marathon, doing a small gift exchange at home, or decorating in a way that doesn’t require a lot of physical exertion. The holidays are about making memories, not about fitting into an old mold.
Final Thoughts
Going through cancer treatment during the holiday season is undoubtedly tough, and it’s easy to get caught in thinking errors that make the experience feel even harder. By recognizing these cognitive distortions and choosing to reframe them, you can ease the emotional burden of the season. Focus on small, meaningful moments, engage in the present, and allow yourself to rest when you need it. There may not be a “perfect” holiday, but there is potential for peace, connection, and joy in unexpected places. This season, even in the face of difficulty, remember that there’s still room for small victories and beautiful moments. You don’t have to do it all, and that’s okay. Just take it one step at a time and savor whatever is possible.
Written by Blair Hamel, CEO and Licensed Psychologist of our community partner Matone Counseling & Testing
Matone Counseling and Testing provides compassionate care to the community by empowering great clinicians to provide diverse services. Their emphasis has been to help diverse populations by making behavioral health available to all segments of the community. They accept almost every insurance plan on the market and partner with dozens of primary care doctors, treatment centers, and specialists across the city to make quality mental health care accessible to the entire community.
